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I’ve noticed, increasingly, that my friends – both new and long term- are losing their identity when they enter a new relationship.  No, I’m not bitter, I’m very happy in my own marriage.   I understand the  primal desire to mate, I understand that the heart goes thumpity thumpity w00t w00t when we meet that new person.  After four years my heart still does that ( most of the time ).  It’s happened to all of us, you have a friend who you talk to on a regular basis and suddenly they drop off the face of the earth, only to resurface a couple of months later and want to cry on your shoulder that their heart has been broken, or long enough to tell you they’ve found the love of their life and are getting married, then they go back under, until they call to ask you your mailing address, or, worse depending on how close you were in the first place. And this is when you realy know you’ve lost them, to call long enough to breathlessly tell you they’ve gotten married.

What’s hard for me to watch, is watching “I” slowly slip into “we” and watch “John smith” become “john judy” or “john’n’Judy” or worse “judy’n’john”  and by the time my friends realize that they’ve lost themselves in these new relationships of theirs, their identity is so intertwined with that of their new “love” that they don’t even knew who *I* is anymore.

I beg of my friends. Keep the “I” in “WE”!!


I couldn’t resist this one after receiving the same message spammed to my walls (Yes, all of them,)  by multiple ‘friends’ in the past couple of days. I go into the hospital for one day and my ‘friends’ don’t have the sense to read what they’re forwarding.   The latest bit of spam is one that if you had a single working brain cell you wouldn’t even think about forwarding it.  The owner of facebook (We all know his name, there’s no need to name him) supposedly sent a wall posting to see who was active and threatened to delete all “inactive” accounts. 

First, do these people REALLY think that administrators need to check peoples walls to see if they’re active?

Second, I actually kind of feel sorry for the idiot who was stupid enough to claim to be Mark. LOL Buh Bye Account! Thank you for flying with us!

And yes, the 6 year old who has cancer is going to risk having her web page deleted for spamming people, or the mother of the ‘kidnapped’ 30 year old. Or insert every other moronic post or movie that has been forwarded to me in the past couple of months. 

Okay, so I just offended some of my so called friends. Maybe next time you and all of those like you will use your remaining braincell before forwarding garbage on to me!

I write this in light of the fact that Calgary police are investigating the 29th murder of the year. Of those 29 murders 8 of them have been domestic violence related.

What is particularly frustrating about most of these murders is that neighbours have known that violence was taking place, but chose. Yes CHOSE not to get involved. This means that they heard these women screaming for help, yet chose not to respond. This means that they saw these women walking around their neighbourhood covered in bruises, yet chose not to ask if there was anything they could do.

In 2006 close to 20,000 women and children tried to go to women’s shelters in Calgary and were turned away because there was no room.
On average, each woman tries to leave an abusive spouse seven times before she succeeds.

The prospect of leaving an abusive spouse is terrifying. You’re left with the thought of nowhere to go, especially in calgary’s housing and apartment market: those apartments that *are* affordable, are not places you want to try to raise children in. If you get shared custody there’s a chance that your abusive partner will use those children against you. There’s a chance that no matter how far across the country you move your partner will find you and abuse you again, or perhaps kill you because you left. Maybe there’s just the fear of being alone.

The fact is that once violence starts, if it is not stopped, either through some form of marital intervention, or through the ‘victim’ (I hate that word) leaving it will escalate. No matter how many presents ‘he’ buys, no matter how many times ‘he’ apologises. You will find yourself a statistic unless you leave or force him to admit there’s a problem.

The local womans shelter, distress line, and likely police as well, can help with an escape plan.

In closing, back to my original point. if given a choice, which would you prefer? being a little embarassed because you have to ask your neighbour about the black eye? Having said neighbour angry at you for a while? Or having to admit to the police that you heard the thumping and screaming but couldn’t be bothered to pick up the phone?